Grumpy Old Man (GROWL) by volunteer Ian Parker.
Well hullawrerr chinas, it’s me, your wee treasure back again. Treasure? Well, folk keep sayin’ tae ma wife “Where did ye dig him up fae?”. Anyway I shouldnae mention China wi’ a’ this Coronavirus gaun aboot. It’s a whole new language for me, Covid-19, Ah wis jist getting’ used tae VHS after changin’ fae Betamax. An’ a’ this social distancin’, anti-social distancin’ I call it. As for this lock-doon, I prefer a lock-in masel’. Anyway it is whit it is an’ if it keeps auld codgers like me fae snuffin’ it then it’s worthwhile. As long as the young yins can keep to it tae.
Talkin’ o’ young yins, they’re getting’ harder an’ harder tae figure oot. See this fad for double-barrelled names, it’s a double-barrel shotgun they’re needin’. Mind you there used to be a golf pro at the Falkirk Tryst called Donald Slicer, some name for a golfer eh? Although it could be worse, ye either slice or hook a ball in golf so he could have been Donald, well let’s no go there…. Anyway there was another player on the Scottish circuit at that time, a fella by the name of Kevin Bacon. Just imagine if their son and daughter had got thegither, wid they have been Bacon-Slicer or just as bad Slicer-Bacon? Ha, ha.
Another thing is the latest fashion o’ tattoos aw ower yer legs. Ah wis just thinkin’ though, maybe some of us auld yins wid benefit if we got oor hoose number and postcode tattooed oan yer leg, then when ye got lost, somebody could take ye hame. Mind you, ye’d have tae leave room underneath for “no longer at this address” if ye move hoose or tae an auld folks’ home. On the same subject, ma pal Bob, he’s a bit o’ a skinflint, wis tellin’ me the other day that his wife wanted a tattoo wi’ his name on it for her birthday, so he got a B tattooed on each cheek o’ her bahookie!
Well, I could rattle on mair but I’ll leave that for another day. Keep cheery (well as cheery as us auld yins can be). Cheerio the now.